ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
