worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We're too hungover to prance.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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