God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
