Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
