We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
