i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
