Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
