ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
