She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
