are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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