New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
