You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
