Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
