Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
