I am spending my child support on dildos
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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