I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
