Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
