don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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