I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
