He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
