your parents love me but you hate me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
