From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
