forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
