yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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