I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
