Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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