I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
