I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
