Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
