you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
