She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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