Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
