I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
