You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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