Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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