new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
