i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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