I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
