Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
