My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
