there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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