i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
