you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Everyone says I win the strip club
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
