I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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