I think my fart just growled at me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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