please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
