Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
