I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
