How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
