You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
