Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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