No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
