I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
vagina is talking i cant
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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